by Diane Keeney
On May 29th, I sent a panicked e-mail to Lisa Benner, one of the lovely Hathavidya instructors and teacher training instructors at Bread and Yoga. Earlier that month I had signed up (and dropped a sizable deposit) for the early bird teacher training special. My thought: “A 200 hour yoga teacher training program? Why not?! I love yoga! And I love early bird specials!” Less than 30 days later, I felt like my life was falling apart: my live-in partner and I had split, I had a bed bug scare, and my money and sanity funds were at an all time low.
I promptly e-mailed Lisa and unloaded all my problems on her because that’s what I do. By the conclusion of that e-mail, I told her that I couldn’t be a yoga teacher at this point in time and I needed my money back.
A few days later (Lisa, God bless her, does not check her e-mail every hour of every day like the rest of the world), I received her reply: “Your deposit is non-refundable.” She also said a bunch of sympathetic things that I don’t remember, but it was clear to me that she was not going to indulge my pity party. And it suddenly became clear to me that I shouldn’t either.
There’s never a “good time” to commit to your yoga practice. And when I say yoga practice, I mean practicing self-awareness, universal awareness, and God (highest intelligence) awareness. As I have come to learn in the first very vigorous, very vital two weeks of teacher training, yoga isn’t a bunch of sun salutations and “farting rainbows” (Will Duprey’s words). I knew that when I signed up, but I didn’t realize it until I actually showed up.
I almost didn’t show up because I was afraid I wasn’t ready: financially, emotionally, physically. I’m going to let you in on a secret: I’m still not ready. I’ll never be ready. I have no idea what’s going to happen over the next 6 weeks, and I’m not entirely sure what’s happened over the past two weeks. But there are no refunds for experience, and I’m committed to be where I am and continue as I go. Namaste!