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That's Not Me

Posted June 9, 2017

by Margaret McConnell

In yoga, we learn that we each have our own samskara.  This is a mental and emotional pattern we repeat over and over again.  My samskara happens to be anxiety intertwined with imposter syndrome. Wikipedia defines imposter syndrome as “a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.”  Now even writing that I think, “high-achieving”?  That’s not me.  So now you see part of the problem.  This whole program has forced me to deal with my samskara repeatedly.  I thought some of these parts of me were gone.  The truth is they were buried.  I was just not pushed to do uncomfortable things for a while so I thought, “I’m good.  No need to do any more work.”

Now let me bring in my sadhana.  This is my daily morning practice of meditation, asana, pranayama and savasana.  A lot of emotions are kicked up during this morning ritual.  I’d often rather ignore these emotions. What can I do to hide from them?  Well, I can eat my feelings, drink my feelings, shop, watch Netflix.  You get the idea.  I’ll do anything to avoid looking at these uncomfortable emotions.  The thing is, they’ll never go away or soften until I learn to sit with them.  I acknowledge they are part of me, but they don’t have to stay.  I can do the work of my daily yoga practice to help bring me more into my true self; the self that realizes that I am ok and that I have all I need inside of me.

So how do I get rid of doubt and fear?  Do my daily practice before it has time to take a seat at the table.  How do I get out of unpleasant situations?  Do the work before you get into them.

Life is a marathon and we all have ups and downs, but the yoga mat will always be there waiting for you.

 

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